Something strange is afoot. Afoot? That would smell. Please put your sock and shoe back on. In fact, better put them on for both feet. Afeet? No, I don’t think that’s a word. What does afoot mean anyway? Let’s check the thesaurus. With Microsoft Word, it’s as easy as a click of a button….which it is.
    Afoot is synonymous with the following: happening, going on, occurring, taking place, up (hey, that’s a Pixar movie coming out), in the works, and stirring. Ooh, stirring. A monster is stirring. A monster is a foot, I mean, afoot. A foot monster wouldn’t be that scary. Unless it was a really big foot. Then it would stomp on all of us. But it would be easy to defeat because all we have to do is destroy its big toe. Did you know that without your big toe your balance would completely give away? I guess a foot monster isn’t so bad after all.
    Now, if the monster was really afoot, not a foot but afoot…you know what I mean…that would be scary because there would be no definition for what the monster is. It might be dragon. It might be a cockroach. We wouldn’t know until we saw it. But it might be a cockroach, which isn’t that scary. So we’re not actually getting scared by the monster, we’re getting scared because of the suspense the unknown monster brings.
    So it we’re all frightened because it might be a dragon, we should just tell ourselves it is a cockroach. That would annihilate (nice word) all suspense and fear. Of course, we would be very unprepared if it were really a dragon and that would be bad.

    The other thing we could do is prepare for it if it was a dragon. We could set up fireproof bases and archery posts ready to shoot the dragon down. That would be a lot of work, but at least we’re on the safe side. Of course, if the monster is actually a cockroach then we would have set up all that stuff for nothing.
    The best thing to probably do is to send out a scout to see what the monster is. If it is a cockroach, the scout can kill it. If it is a dragon, the scout can try not to be killed by it. If the scout was killed by a dragon (or worse, a cockroach), he wouldn’t be able to come back and tell us; the suspense would continue. Then we would send out another scout who would probably be very, very afraid by the fact that the first scout did not return. He would probably tell us that it probably is a dragon because the first scout did not return, and we would just yell at him back to go for it and come back alive.
    If the fourth scout did not come back, we can assume it is a dragon or something else that is monstrous and dangerous, and that we should probably prepare for it.
    Now if the first scout actually returned and told us that it is a dragon, that would be better because then we would know without a doubt that the dragon is there and four other people wouldn’t have to die for us to be somewhat certain. Then we would ask the king of the land to aid us and give us supplies. He would say, “Sure! Why not! I don’t want my backside getting scorched by dragon fire so I better help you and better yet hide in your fort that you’re going to build with my supplies! I should, after all, ‘cause I helped you build it!” And we would respond, “Sure, great, just hand over the dough.”
    The most unfortunate thing to happen while we were building our fireproof fort would be for the dragon to attack when we are half finished. We would have one side of the walls up, but all the dragon would have to do is circle around to the other side and scorch our and the king’s backsides. The king would then be very upset and take back all his supplies. But ho, we hired all his workers so he has no one to help him take back all the supplies (unless that fat guy thinks he can bring everything back to the castle by himself. He’d need the help of a dragon).
    Oh no! The king ran off and betrayed us to the dragon! He told Mr. Dragon that he would let him eat us if Mr. Dragon would help him take back all his supplies. In a sense, that wicked king is killing two birds with one stone. When the dragon takes away our supplies, he can just eat us unprotected. What, oh what are we going to do?
    When the dragon arrives, we would simply point out how juicy and fat the king looks, and the dragon would probably agree. Then he would eat the king and the people would crown someone else who is more kind and compassionate king of their land. Then the dragon would be part of the castle guardians and we would feed him sheep and goats for doing his job, and everyone would be happy (except for the sheep and the goats).
    Now, if we ever ran out of sheep and goats, we would go to the dragon and say, “Hey Mr. Dragon Man, you look like you gotta lose that spare tire! Why don’t we put you on a diet of leaves and vegetables?” and Mr. Dragon Man would respond, “Goody good-good idea! I need a balanced diet anyway!” And everything would still be peaceful.
    One day, we would go to the dragon and ask him, “Can you go fry this guy named Al Gore? He’s this really stupid idiot that blubbers about global warming and how he was a genius for inventing the internet when he didn’t even invent the internet and we’re just so tired of him and his foolish talk. So can you go roast his royal backside and store him in your stomach where he won’t bother anyone?” The dragon would pause for a moment and say, “Do fools taste good?” and we would say, “Yep!” then he would say, “Great! Let’s toast this boy for lunch!”
    Sooner or later, another dragon would show up. That would be logically, because why in the world would there be only one dragon around?
    So say the new dragon is female and our dragon was male. They would get married and everyone of the land would come to the ceremony in fear of getting toasted. Then there would be a whole heap of dragon babies because from what I hear, dragons reproduce like rabbits. They also grow very quickly (one of the reasons for that is because they are born very big). In no time at all, we’d have a huge population of dragons. Hopefully we would be able to live in peace with them because if we were enemies…well, let’s just put it this way: one dragon was bad enough.
    So we would try to live in peace and convince all the dragons to become vegetarians. Which is somewhat impossible. So as long as dragons exist, we’re doomed.
    Dragons don’t exist. We’re not doomed. Yea.
    Cockroaches exist. We’re not doomed. Yea.
    Dragons are cool. Wings, fangs, fire breath, and all. Real dragons are not as cool. Lizards, I’m talking about. But dinosaurs are cool. Maybe the people of the past saw dinosaurs and after dinos went extinct, tall tales started about them and how they had wings. Better yet, maybe dinos did have wings, but their wings were the first to go when they got fossilized and that’s why we don’t find any T-rex fossils with wings. So maybe dragons did exist. We don’t know for sure. But what we do know is that people of the past talked about them all the time. But when some of the people of the present (the strict, no-nonsense scientists) heard about it, they were like “What are udderly ridiculous idea! Land dinos with wings? How absurd!” So then they told everyone else on the planet about it. And since these scientists were very respected, or at least, important people respected them so everyone else thought they should too, those scientists were believed in saying that dragons are not real. But no one knows for sure, until someone invents a time machine, so why say dragons are not real? That’s just being overly pessimistic.
    Of course, some people might want dragons to not be real, since they might eat everyone and mate like rabbits (as stated above). So they might help spread the idea about dragons not being real because if dragons were real, our fat behinds would be roasted like marshmallows. But of course, the truth has nothing to do with what you want, besides the truth that you want what you want, so we can easily dismiss all those silly wish-fulfillment people.